Hey all, so, I wanted to leave y'all a little life update since things will start to get busy very soon starting in March. I wanted to let y'all know that Spring Break is around the 17th or so. After that, I will not be accepting art trades or collabs, only a commission or two every now and again. This is because after Spring Break ends, teachers begin to rush us to finish everything and prepare us for the stress of end of the year finals. Yaaay. So, I wanted to let y'all know that I will not be too active art-wise during that time, but that's still about a month away so no need to worry right now. Before Spring Break may be a hassle too since teachers like to cram in last minute things in then too
On top of that, life is going alright, has it's normal ups and downs like everyone else. I have, however, been getting more "sad spells" lately, which is kinda troublesome to me. They pop up out of nowhere, like, I'll be having a fairly good day and then one little thing happens, my brain starts thinking things and I get a little upset, even though there's no reason for me to be. They only last a day or two usually, and it can come around for many reasons. I suppose my biggest would be art. Yeah, it's only the second month of the year, but I feel I still haven't made any progress. My art still looks the same to me, like, it still looks the way it did a few months ago. Same with my coloring style and everything. I know improvement will not happen overnight, of course, but the better you get/more you improve, the more expectations you have for yourself, and I feel I have not been meeting my expectations.
I guess another thing would be support. I have plenty of it online from friends and such (thank you so much, guys!) but, in real life, I feel I have very little. My ideas usually get knocked down, whether it be by my sisters or teachers or whatever. I know my ideas won't always get accepted, but yeah, still kinda sucks. My desires are also frowned upon, even though I'm not wanting to do anything bad or illegal. My family usually tells me it's a) too much money/waste of my money, b) waste of my time or c) waste of my resources. Now, this doesn't have to do with JUST costuming. It has to do with other things as well. But, the support really isn't there when there's something I want to do that may take a chunk out my wallet or time, even though money isn't an issue.
Also, the thing with my sister's art getting seen but not mine. I don't mean online either. I suppose mine gets more noticed online by people I don't know personally in real life and internet friends, while my sister's gets noticed by real life friends, relatives and such. While she receives compliments from family saying how good her work is and how great of an artist she is, my art kinda gets forgotten. Like, my friends kinda forget I draw too sometimes. There was even one time a friend of me and my sisters said that my sister's artwork was better. Ouch. She said she was joking...but it didn't come across that way. I'm not really looking for attention so much, like I defiantly am not looking to be famous or anything at ALL. But, it would be nice to have your family give you a compliment for your digital art sometimes. Now, this is kind of why I feel my art isn't good enough, I guess.
Still kinda going through feeling where I am being ignored too. Uh...it's constant. I don't even try to talk anymore unless someone wants me to. But then when your parents say just to talk anyways...what's the point in talking when you're basically talking to yourself? What's the point in talking when no one will acknowledge that you're speaking to them? So, that's why I am so quiet. But, apparently I can't do anything right or something. Even if it's something as simple as playing a game with friends, I always hear "Wow, you suck at this. Why are you so bad at this?" Hm. And, I'm still that negative Nelly who has nothing good to say about anything, even though I am just talking about problems in my life occasionally because family is suppose to listen to family member's problems, right? They're not suppose to say you have too many problems and just shrug it off and tell you to be more optimistic.
So, I guess I'm still feeling the same things I was before New Year's. But these feelings are more constant. Don't know why, don't know how. But, uhh, at this point, I feel it's really nothing to worry about anymore. Honestly, there's not much I can do about it anyway, since my siblings will just deny it and such. I don't want to tell my friends really either, because I don't want them telling my sisters and then my sisters tell my parents and then go through the whole cycle again of "you're just making this stuff up, we never did that."
Now, I'm not saying my family is bad or anything. I love my family. However, there are times I wish they'd listen, wish they'd let me speak more often and learn not to be rude and interrupt me or ignore me, wish they'd be more considerate and would support my goals. But, my family isn't bad. I do not live a horrible life, so don't worry on that aspect.
I'm sorry to drag my personal life into a journal. I don't like doing it because I don't really want to burden people with my stupid problems...but, sometimes it feels good to get it out, even if it's just through typing. So, I guess thanks to y'all who read through this whole thing. I'm not trying to have a pity party for myself, I just want to get some things off my shoulders that I can only talk about online. But, if it comes across as attention seeking...that really wasn't my intention at all. I suppose this is therapeutic to me to put my problems on "paper" instead of keeping them shoved in my mind.
Anyway, thanks for reading and stuff, and have yourselves a great day/night
I may delete this journal at a later point, but I don't know
I just don't wanna seem like an attention hog.